I didn't always know I was different. I didn't always know I was insane.
There's no other word to describe it. I see people who aren't there, and that's the definition of insanity, right?
I don't know when they appeared. I think they might have hidden that memory from me. So I don't know how long this has been going on but it seems like forever.
Sometimes I try to get control of my body back again, but they always push me back, and it hurts. How I can hurt when I don't have any nerves to feel it, I'm not sure. I might try to figure it out someday; it's not like I have anything else to do in this mental prison of mine.
Ah, yes. My prison. Shunted off into a back corner of the mind that used to be totally mine, unable to even feel the rest of it. Cruel and unusual punishment, as I used to say.
I suppose you're going to ask how this happened now. It makes a certain amount of sense; my predicament is rather unique.
Like I said earlier, I don't remember when this started. "This" is my mind and body being invaded by things that call themselves personalities. They told me that much before taking over.
As far as I can tell, there are seven of them. Celestina's the only one that I like, but that doesn't do me much good. She isn't as strong as the others.
She's also the only one that's an elf. All the others, whenever they appeared, looked like humans. But Celestina has the typical long, golden hair, royal blue eyes, pale skin, pointed ears and almond shaped eyes of an elf.
She's also the only one that's nice to me. Much as it (doesn't) pain me to admit it, she's innocent, idealistic and an idiot. She's blind to the world and...
Enough rambling. Apparently I have been graced with the memory of how this came to be again. Strange, they never usually give me anything. Perhaps I should start telling you how this started quickly, before I "forget" again.
~*~
"Here, Becky!" I cooed, calling my cat. She ambled over, tail swishing arrogantly in the air. "Yes, my sweet kitty," I murmured, picking her up and cuddling her. I stood up, still carrying my purring load and froze.
Someone was standing there. Someone who hadn't been there a moment ago.
"Who are you?" I demanded. "How did you get here?"
She turned around, her waist length, black hair flaring around her in a move I felt sure was deliberate. She was beautiful, almost unnaturally so. Her skin was a shade of golden-brown with chocolate brown eyes. She was wearing what amounted to a crimson gauze outfit edged in gold, and I had to admit, it looked stunning on her. Of course, that might have had something to do with the fact that, apart from the translucent gauze, she didn't have very much on. Next to this kind of beauty, I felt very plain.
The beautiful lady looked down her nose at me for a moment, before turning her back on me with a dancer's grace. After a moment, she deigned to reply to me, in a voice as pleasing to the ears as her body was to the eyes.
"I live here."
I blinked as that registered, then shot back, "No you don't, this is my house."
"That doesn't stop me from living here. You aren't the only person who lives here, you know. We'll probably be joined by a few others soon."
She still hadn't turned to face me since that first look so she didn't see the puzzled and slightly shocked expression on my face. What did she mean, she lived here? Just mom, dad and I lived here, and they weren't home yet. That must be what the lady meant.
"Well, if you're not going away, I'll need something to call you. What's your name?" I asked her, trying for arrogance. For some reason I got the distinct feeling that she wasn't dangerous and that no amount of persuasion would get her to go away. I didn't get it; she was a stranger in my house and by all rights I should be calling the police. Yet I wasn't, I was asking her name as if she was going to be here the rest of my life!
"Well, I am," she said, responding to my thoughts. Shocked as I was, I almost missed her name, Myeisha.
"Myeisha, what kind of name is that? And don't you have a last name?" I demanded scornfully.
I didn't know what had gotten into me. Normally I was quiet and kind to people I met. Where had this cruel and unusual sarcasm come from?
"It's my name and I don't have a last name. If you have a problem with that, deal with it." Having said that, she disappeared.
For a moment I thought that was normal, then I realized what had happened. This person - Myeisha - had disappeared! She hadn't moved, just - disappeared! Vanished! What was going on?
After a few moments of shock, the logical part of my mind took over. I hadn't gotten enough sleep; this Myeisha person must be nothing more than a figment of my imagination. I was dreaming. I needed a nap. With that thought firmly in mind, I went up to my bedroom, intent on taking a nap.
I was halfway up the stairs when something told me that I wasn't alone anymore. Trying to ignore the feeling, telling myself that it was just my imagination, I continued stolidly up the stairs.
"If you were my target, you'd be dead now." The low voice spoke from behind me, and what felt like a dagger was laid on my neck. Half a second away from screaming, I was stopped by the voice's statement. "If you scream, I'll kill you."
Trembling like a leaf, I managed to whisper, "W-who are you? Are you the one M-Myeisha mentioned?" All my resolves that Myeisha had been a dream were gone. Cold steel does that to a person.
The voice chuckled, releasing me. "Well, you're right about that. We're not figments of your imagination. And yes, I am one of the ones - she - mentioned." Even in the state of shock I was in, I heard the hatred.
Turning around to see my captor, I was confronted by a dark skinned, brown haired, green eyed person who smiled and bowed mockingly, saying, "Cytheria the assassin, at your service."
She straightened, a wicked smile flashing across her face. Warned slightly by the look, I stumbled backwards, tripping on the stairs as Cytheria lunged, a stiletto stopping just in front of my nose. "As you can see, I'm very good," the assassin said confidently, flipping the stiletto and making it disappear.
"If you kill a family member, I might even teach you."
Staring at her in shock again, an idea flashed across my mind. Perhaps this was some sort of punishment? Had I been unusually cruel to people with darker skin and now my conscience was telling me? But what an odd way to do it!
As if she could hear my thoughts, Cytheria chuckled. "No, Querida will be here soon." Unable to fathom what she was talking about, I turned and stumbled down the hall into my room, tripping on something unseen and falling on my bed.
"This isn't happening to me. This is not happening to me. This is not happening to me!" I said, repeating it over and over.
"Oh, but it is. And you are entertaining."
I froze for a moment, unable to breathe. "Whoever you are, go away now. I've already had more than I can handle."
"Well, poor you, then. There's more coming." Cytheria spoke this time, and I relaxed. This new voice could still be a figment of my imagination. That probably wasn't true, but I could still hope.
"She's sure slow, isn't she?" Cytheria commented, a grunt being the reply from the other side of the bed. Steeling myself as best I could, I sat up and faced this newest person.
White skin - I didn't know whether or not to be happy - short blond hair, brown eyes, short and stocky with scars covering her hands and a copper ring in her nose.
Sighing and deciding that the best way to deal with this was calmly, I said, "You must be Querida." She grunted, giving me the distinct impression that she didn't like me, or people in general. "I must be going insane," I muttered.
"Well, technically you are," Cytheria said. "Nobody else can see us, so by definition you're insane."
I turned and looked at her. Getting the message, she grinned wickedly and shut up. Later I would wonder at that; the Cytheria I know now would never do that.
I spent the rest of the day in a daze. Mom and dad were concerned, but I told them I was ok. Querida followed me around, examining objects and presumably pocketing some, being a thief. I found a few of them in my room later. Cytheria lounged wherever I happened to be, reminding me of a cat. She managed to look like it was her idea to do everything, even though it was obvious she was following me around. Myeisha never reappeared, thankfully.
The next morning I woke up, hoping desperately that yesterday had been a dream. That theory was disproved as Cytheria's green-eyed face appeared in my vision. Grabbing my hair, she dragged me upright.
"Good morning, lazy," she said cheerfully, prodding me at dagger point to my dresser. Myeisha appeared, browsing casually through my clothing. Querida sat down on the bed and began going through all the items she had found. I could only watch as they ransacked my room as if they'd been here all my life.
Myeisha straightened, holding the closest thing in my wardrobe to what she was wearing, my bathing suit. "You don't have anything worth wearing here. This will have to do until you get something different."
My gaze flickering over what she was wearing, I blanched, stepping back and throwing up my hands. "No," I said firmly, a little bit frantically. I was not going to wear anything like she was. "No, no and no!"
Myeisha frowned, not accepting my protests, but said nothing. Idiotic me, I didn't realize that that was a very bad sign.
Turning towards the door, I froze in shock to see yet another person in my room. I suppose by now I should have been used to it, but how can one ever get used to people appearing and disappearing, that no one else can see?
"Greetings! I am Mahal, High Lord of Dinesh," the rat faced, red haired man said grandiosely, sweeping an overly dramatic bow.
"No, you're not." An unknown voice spoke and I looked towards it, terrified to see someone else. For once I was lucky; Querida, whose voice I didn't remember, had spoken.
"You're only a lord of Dinesh, and not even a good one at that. I've stolen from you many times."
Mahal glared at her, annoyed that she had interrupted his grand entrance. Querida ignored him, however, continuing going through her items. Recognizing one of them as a family heirloom, I ran over there and snagged it back. "Hey! That's mine! What are you doing with it?"
Querida looked up, annoyed, and moved. Suddenly she appeared in front of me, one hand with a dagger wrapped around my head resting on my neck, the other holding my wrists pinned behind my back. Freezing in terror, a common emotion lately, I dropped the item and whispered in a high pitched voice, "Sorry!" She released me and bent down to pick up the item and returned to the bed, ignoring me again.
Letting out a shivering sigh, I turned and watched Mahal for a moment. He had glanced around the room and quickly noticed Myeisha. Or rather, he quickly noticed Myeisha's profession.
"Hello there, darling," he purred, sidling up to her and putting an arm around her waist. "Who might you be?"
The cold, arrogant Myeisha I knew disappeared, replaced by a flirtatious, seductive Myeisha.
"Your fondest dream," she purred back. Not wanting to see any more, especially if this went where I feared it was going, I stalked over to my dresser, ignoring the other four people in my room. Dressing myself in modest, bright clothing, I turned to leave the room.
Just as I started to open the door, however, it swung open, forcing me to jump back. A startled, "Wha...?" escaped my lips before the imposing, black clothed woman on the other side of the door spoke imperiously.
"So. You're my new Shell. I suppose it was too much to ask for a warrior. You're no use. And you can't even choose proper clothes to wear."
Grabbing me by the shoulders, she spun me around and marched me over to my chest of drawers and proceeded to undress me. Browsing through my clothes in much the same manner as Myeisha, she proceeded to take out every piece of black clothing I owned, which wasn't much.
Dazed from all the people barging into my room, I managed to ask the newcomer, "Who... who are you? What are you?"
Mostly ignoring me, she said absently, "I'm Raven. I'm a mercenary." Raven had black hair, perhaps where she had gotten her name, and eyes the same color. Contrasting with that, and her solid black clothes, her skin was very pale. Despite this, she was still very pretty, in a cold sort of way. Or perhaps that was her manner.
Holding up a black shirt and jeans, Raven shoved them at me with a curt, "Get dressed in these."
Holding the clothes in a confused manner, my eyes darted wildly as a new, female voice spoke out in protest.
"No! She cannot wear that! You should not be wearing that! It is blasphemous!"
Trembling, I turned to face this newest comer, who managed the feat of walking out of one of the walls. The first thing that came to mind was that she was a ghost. Who else would have the dead-white skin, white hair, red eyes and walk through walls?
"I'm not a ghost," she told me offhand, snatching the black clothes from my hands and proceeding to mutter a few words. Feeling suddenly weak, I could only watch as the clothes mysteriously caught on fire and burned up.
"Who...?" I managed. The ghost-lady glanced at me in exasperation. Finally she said, "Darena, Priestess of Sorcha, Goddess of the Night."
Mom called up the stairs, wondering why it was taking me so long to get dressed. I shook my head, trying to clear the web of confusing thoughts from it before answering.
"Just a moment," I shouted back. Closing the door firmly, I faced the myriad of people in my room.
"Everybody," I said firmly over Mahal and Myeisha's chatter. "Out. I need to get dressed, and I can't do that while you're here. Go away."
Querida glared at me and vanished, taking her items with her. Mahal and Myeisha traded very different looks and slunk out the door together. Darena pouted and followed Querida, as did Raven. Cytheria alone remained, seemingly determined to annoy me. I didn't mind as much as if, say, Myeisha had stayed. Cytheria seemed to be the nicest of the lot, though that wasn't saying much.
Getting dressed in the same bright set of clothes I had worn earlier, I added a blue necklace and headed downstairs, my legs trembling.
"'Morning, mom, " greeted her. She smiled at me from the counter where she was making our family's lunches, as per usual. Sitting down, I ignored Cytheria's comments and focused on getting ready for school. Thankfully only Cytheria stayed while I was getting ready, though I did hear a few suspicious noises from our guest bedroom. I suspected Mahal and Myeisha had gone in there, but I didn't check. I didn't want to know.
On the bus on the way to school, they all returned, though. Mahal appeared, looking very satisfied and Myeisha a little ruffled. They sat down in a seat together and I averted my eyes. Cytheria used all the people on the bus as dummies for practicing assassinating them, making my stomach turn several times. Querida rifled through everyone's back packs, picking up a few things and storing them somewhere. Darena started ranting about all the people wearing black and Raven just sat and fingered her sword, a small smile on her lips making me nervous.
Doing my best to ignore all of them, I stared out the window, thinking. Who were all these people who had invaded my life? How had they gotten here? What were they? Why me?
"Reva?"
Stiffening as the soft voice said my name, I turned slowly. I didn't recognize the person standing there.
"Who are you?" I demanded tersely.
The golden-haired girl smiled gently at me. "I'm Celestina."
"I didn't ask your name, I asked who you are." I glanced at Cytheria, wishing I could ask her for some help.
Still smiling, Celestina told me kindly, "I'm a personality, like the others. Since I doubt they have said anything, I'll explain.
"Personalities are just what the name implies, personalities. We have the ability to inhabit others' Shells, or bodies. In fact, we must to survive. If a personality goes too long without a Shell, it... fades away. I don't know exactly what happens, since it's never happened to me, but I think it's painful.
"Among other things, a personality has complete access to your thoughts, if they so desire. Most don't mess with their Shell's thoughts out of privacy, but this lot has no compunctions on doing that."
Celestina glared around at the others, but it wasn't full of hate. Rather, it was exasperated annoyance. Turning back to my silent self, Celestina sat down next to me and continued.
"Along with that, strong personalities can take over your Shell, your body. I can't; I'm too weak, but the others can. Watch out for them - I doubt they'd be nice to you. I heard once of someone who could push them out once they'd taken control, but that's only rumor and I don't know how it was done."
She stopped and looked at me sympathetically. "I'm sorry," she told me. "We're not going to make your life easy." I just closed my eyes and sighed, wishing it would all go away.
~*~
Well, there you have it. I'm surprised I remember all that. But then, I don't really expect it to last. What memories I have seem to change fluidly, and I have no control over them. For some reason the ones with Celestina seem to stay most of the time. Which is kinda nice, since she's usually the one that tells me things. I'd be more insane than I am now if I didn't know why I was here.
Now let's see if I can sort through this welter of memories and put them in some kind of order.
A warning, while I remember. What comes from now on is likely to be confusing. I have little sense of time and memories may - no, will be - disorganized or have large chunks missing.
~*~
Unable to control myself, watching through strange eyes as I swayed up to some handsome male and start flirting with him. My clothing, sheer, flowing, fluttery. Not like what I normally wear. He looked at me oddly before flirting back.
~*~
Standing on the stage in front of my school, dressed all in white, giving a speech as to why everyone should follow the great goddess Sorcha. Behind me is a large drawing of a black-haired, pale skinned woman in black clothes, not Raven. I am shouting at those in the audience wearing black. Someone laughs at me; I put a ring of fire around them. Someone shrieks.
~*~
Wandering nonchalantly through a house I'd never seen before, casually picking up various items and slipping them in a sack. Several rooms have already been ransacked and my bag is heavy. Someone comes out of a room, sees me and shouts. I turn, draw a dagger and lunge for her.
~*~
Visiting one of the poorer sections of town, dressed all in black with a steel longsword at my waist. Swaggering up to a drug dealer and offering my services. He declines and I mark his face in my mind. I turn and go to another dealer. This one accepts. We bargain about money.
~*~
Lunging towards a terrified woman, a dagger in my gloved hand. I stop, the dagger at her throat, and laugh in derision at her before turning away. The woman collapses with a thud behind me. I laugh again
~*~
Getting paid for doing something. They give me a hundred dollar bill. I demand to know why he is giving me paper instead of real money, gold. He looks at me oddly and tries to take the money back. I stop him, demanding an explanation again.
~*~
A darkened room with a bed. Another person, male. My mind flinches and turns away.
~*~
Talking to a man about money, trying to weasel out more payment. He refuses. I go charming, promising all sorts of things I'll never do. He finally agrees, handing over 200 dollars more. I thank him politely.
~*~
My parents, looking at me in concern. They ask if I'm all right; I've been acting strangely lately. I ignore them and continue searching the Internet for a decent sword. They start to get angry. I turn, revealing a dagger in my fist.
~*~
White walls, nothing on them. A small room. Concerned people wearing white. A bed, nothing else. Where am I?
~*~
Creeping up on a sleeping woman at night, wearing all black. I lean forward and lay the blade on her neck. She wakes with a start. I grin devilishly and demand to know where she keeps her money. She tells me the bank, and I get angry.
~*~
A courtroom, the judge accusing me of thievery and attempted murder. I laugh in his face and tell him that if I had wanted her dead, she would be. He gets angry at my impudence. I set the desk on fire and exit amid screaming.
~*~
Beating my fists on the white walls, screaming to be let out. No one responds. Sliding to the floor and clenching my bruised fists in despair. No way out.
~*~
I don't know where I am now, but I have my suspicions. White walls, a small bare room. What does that make you think of? An insane asylum. But, it is logical to others. With all these people taking over my body, and my personality not seeming to stay the same for more than a few minutes at a time, I suppose I do appear insane. But what am I to do? I don't want to spend my whole life here, trapped in a white room for reasons that aren't my fault. It would almost be better if I were in jail! Then Cytheria or Querida could get me out. But this, this is worse. I know there's no hope of escape. Someone, help me! Someone, save me!
Gr 9, 2004. Second term?